…To help Chelsea to a 2-1 victory over Burnley at Turf Moor.

If you don’t get the joke then you’re either Wayne Bridge, John Terry’s missus, or haven’t been following the football gossip this week.  (If you still don’t get it after those massive hints, then I recommend switching your sport following to the NFL, where Jon Gruden and Ron Jaworski can beat you over the head with “blunt” objects.  See what I did there?)

As a side note, what’s a broken laptop and a few weeks without updated content between friends?  Even if my Liverpool is not, I’M back in business and ready to fire away.

The year 2010 was supposed to be a hallmark year for football, but I’m afraid things are off to an inauspicious start.  The Togo team bus today was attacked by machine gun toting Angolan rebels as it entered Cabinda.  The bus driver was killed and two players (GSI Pontivy goalkeeper Kodjovi Obilalé and Vaslui FC defender Serge Akakpo) suffered injuries.  Emmanuel Adebayor was unhurt.  Check ESPN Soccernet for the developing story.

The African Cup of Nations is one of, if not the, most underrated tournament in the game.  Besides crippling African-dependent European teams (Chelsea) and bringing chaos to domestic fixtures for a month, the competition itself always provides entertaining fixtures.  Despite the perceived hegemony in African football, there have been 13 different champions since its 1957 inception.  The individual talent showcased today in the ANC is that we’ll be watching in the Champions League tomorrow.

Even more ominous are the implications this major security breach could have on the World Cup.  Nothing has been officially addressed, but there are already whispers about the readiness of South Africa as a host nation.  Even if the stadiums are ready, will the safety measures be?  Suddenly, the vuvuzela seems irrelevant.

2009 saw a nation of Irish cheated, the suicide of a German goalkeeper, and Maradona telling the press to “suck it” (but not after the Italian IRS told him something similar).  But 2010 was supposed to be different.  It’s a World Cup year.  We’re supposed to be bombarded with WC commercials featuring U2 tracks and Bono commentary reminding us how the Ivory Coast ceased a civil war for their participation in WC2006.  We’re supposed to hear Alexi Lalas unable to hide his scorn for the Mexican National Team as he previews group A.  We’re supposed to gawk as Charlize Theron clumsily yet sexily maneuvers through the pomp and circumstance of the tournament as she did for the draw.

Now what?  Older Liverpool supporters have tried to explain to me how their love for the game died with those at Heysel and Hillsborough, but I never quite understood.  I vividly remember watching live as Marc-Vivien Foe collapsed on the pitch, and seeing replays of Antonio Puerta convulsing on the ground.  And while it pained me, I never strayed in my love for the game.  But to hear of such malicious attacks, murder to be frank, it makes enjoying a simple football match a more difficult prospect.  I doubt Togo will participate in the ANC now, and many more will think twice about the spirit of goodwill and sportsmanship that goes into these jubilant footballing symposiums.

*Now here’s some pictures of Liverpool players fooling around in the snow to cheer you up (helps me)*