The following is an actual conversation I had with my friend Fabio yesterday.

FABIO: If you had the choice, would you rather be a starter for the United States or a bench player for, let’s say England?  (He knows I follow the Premiership ‘close like butter plays toast’).

ME:  I guess it would depend on what position I play.

FABIO:  Whatever you wanted…

ME:  Okay.  Well, only if I were an attacker, like a striker or winger, would I rather be a sub for England.  Any other position and I’d rather start for the United States.

FABIO:  Agreed.  And that is officially called the Giuseppe Rossi Argument.

*****

Of course.  There it is.  I’d never thought of it that way before.  And yet it is so simple– merely a matter of priorities for any football nut.  Check this hierarchy:

1. Start for a World Cup frontrunner.
2. Feature prominently for a World Cup frontrunner.
3. Start for a World Cup welterweight.
4. Feature prominently for a World Cup welterweight.
5. Feature non-prominently for a World Cup frontrunner.
6. Feature non-prominently for a World Cup welterweight.

Make sense?  What gets lost in the debate over cultural identity vs national citizenship and mad interpretations of loyalty is this– anyone passionate about the game of football will always prefer to play the biggest role possible in achieving World Cup Glory.  If there’s one thing we know about the World Cup, it’s that it ain’t for pretenders.  Sure, the “best” team doesn’t always win it (ask Cruyff), but someone from the status quo is always hoisting the trophy formally known as Jules Rimet.  Sorry, North Korea, but there are no Cinderella stories that last past midnight.

Therefore if an individual wants to win a World Cup, he must play for a heavyweight.  And even if he doesn’t start, if he plays a position that will frequently see minutes, that is second best.  You know as a backup striker/winger you will see action, and often it’s when an important goal is required.  You have a legitimate chance to make a telling contribution to a World Cup winning team.

But if you’re playing an absolute backup position, a utility defender who was the 23rd man to make your roster, you aren’t seeing any of the field.  Watching Shakira’s halftime performances will be the closest you’ll get to breaking a sweat.  Even if your squad wins the whole thing, what exactly did you do to win a World Cup?  No, at that point it would be preferable to play for an average or below average team.  Even if a deep run is the best you can hope for, at least you actually played a vital role for your team.

Playing for a World Cup contender is first choice, playing in the World Cup is second choice, not playing at all in the World Cup is third.  And that is why Giuseppe Rossi would rather scrap for sporadic minutes under Marcello Lippi than be Bob Bradley’s mainstay.  The End.

*****

Anyone playing ESPN’s World Cup Fantasy?  I guess I am, although I’m much more looking forward to the WC Pick ‘Em, which is by far a better barometer for football knowledge.  Somehow, after selecting my fantasy squad, I managed to have none of the players I really wanted.  Here are the highlights of my team, Kim Jong illmatic:

-No Messi, no Ronaldo, no Rooney.  They’re just too expensive, and all three’s teams have stuttered through warm ups.  And yes, I still believe one of them will finish top scorer.  No, I don’t really know how I left all of them off my squad, but I’m rolling the dice on breakouts.

-NO FERNANDO TORRES!  He’s just coming back from injury, which means he won’t be at his best until the later rounds.  This actually coincides perfectly with my EURO2008 theory– David Villa scores the majority of Spain’s goals, but Torres scores the important ones later on.  Look for Torres to appear in Kim Jong illmatic… later on.

-Did I really almost break the bank on Angel Di Maria?  I really like him to become a star in this tournament, but the Argentina frontline is too crowded for him be guaranteed minutes.  I can’t waste that much salary on someone Maradona might misuse.

-Miroslav Klose.  Gosh, he just scores a ton of goals in tournament play.  And I think Mario Gomez is a poor man’s Andy Johnson, which is saying something foul and thickly accented.  I’ll start Klose on reputation alone, even if he had a poor season.  You’ve earned it, but don’t you burn me!

-If Uruguay score any goals in this World Cup, surely Diego Forlan would be the one to bag them, right?

-If the Holland EURO2008 theorem holds true, then it justifies having Wesley Sneijder and Arjen Robben both in my lineup.  (Dirk Kuyt scoring would be so bittersweet, knowing that he still remembers where the goal is, but remembering too late for Liverpool).  Holland will smash their group, then slowly dissipate if they face trickier opposition.  I’ll remove these two from my team as the tournament continues, but I still maintain my bet that Holland is one of three teams who can win this World Cup.  Foolish pride?

-Marek Hamsik.  If the Slovakian team is about as good (or slightly worse) than Napoli, and Hamsik does everything for Napoli, then surely he will… (See Diego Forlan)

-Andres Guardado.  I wanted to give Michael Bradley the nod, but I’ll take the Mexican against South Africa over Daddy’s Little Guy against England, for now.  But I know in the future at least Bradley will be getting his minutes.

-Will Pepe play?  Portugal haven’t quite looked like worldbeaters lately, they could use some of Pepe’s gut check runs.  But he’s barely, barely just been declare red fit to play.  The question is, how much?  Bruno Alves, for me.

-Glen Johnson won’t score more than one, but if he does get that goal, it will be spectacular.

-Boooooooooooth.

-The void of Oliver Kahn.  Still felt by Germany, worsened of course by Robert Enke’s suicide.  Yet you won’t find a team who are guaranteed to surrender fewer goals with a cheaper keeper.  Rolling the dice with value here.  You know the Germans will be around when it gets close to business time.

-Subs.  Go as cheap as possible.  Trust your big boys.  Pick the subs whose names you at least know, maybe play for Wigan or teams like that.  Hope you never have to count on them.

-No Brazil!  I don’t trust anyone in that group, so I’m staying away from Brazilian players.  I honestly think they aren’t making it out of their group.  I reckon Portugal and Ivory Coast advance.  The Portuguese seem to be the almost boys, and the Ivory Coast were unlucky to be in the 2006 Group of Death, so I think fate will smile on them this time around.

-At least I didn’t pick Michael Essien…

-Kim Jong illmatic fact of the day.  Kim shot a 38 under par, complete with 11 holes-in-one, his first time golfing.  Only his bodyguards witnessed it, and he retired from golf immediately after.

-Clearly I should’ve given this more thought.  Look at all the players I missed, that I know will be great next month:  Casillas, Pique, Xavi, Luis Fabiano, RVP, Drogba, Ribery, De Rossi, Schweinsteiger, Sergio Ramos, Lucio, Lahm, and so many more.  But that’s the beauty of fantasy football– no Abramovich money.  So I’m stubborn, and I’m sticking with my guys.

*****

“I’m Seve Sanchez, and I don’t change.”  -actual quote from Jose Mourinho.  Names have been changed to protect the Special.

Step back one year in time.  It’s 2009 and Barcelona have just done the quintuple or 20-tuple or however many trophies the mind can imagine.  With the exception of the Catalan club, the English teams once again bossed Europe.  The consensus top 5-8 players in the world were either entrenched in La Liga/the Premiership, or clearly en route.  Who would’ve thought within 365 days an Italian club would be lifting Ol’ Big Ears in Madrid?

Yet here we are, basting in Jose Mourinho’s arrogant soundbites as Inter celebrate their 2-0 triumph over Bayern Munich in the Champions League Final.  Let the record show that they only barely pipped a Roma side about as frightening as Roy Hodgson’s accent to the Scudetto… Inter Milan, 2010 Champions of Europe… Who saw this coming?

Fwightening!

I didn’t.  No way.  Last summer I was on hand to watch Inter lose to Chelsea in a meaningless exhibition, and wrote about how unimpressed I was.  To be honest, I still don’t know what to make of it.  I can’t downplay the significance of winning the CL, because it’s simply a massive feat that we’re lucky enough to witness every year.  But I was hardly blown away by Inter, the way we all were by Barcelona last year.  Nor was I inspired, the way I was watching a miraculous comeback (choose 1999 or 2005, whichever shade of red you prefer).  So let’s briefly revisit Inter’s triumph.  Because also to our good fortune, it’s an interesting and convenient segue into this year’s World Cup.

Here’s what I know:

1. Inter’s Path to the Final. Inter did not have the easiest path the Final.  That privilege belonged to Man United.  Check out the teams blocking United from playing in Madrid– AC Milan, Bayern, and Lyon.  I wish I hadn’t already used my “scary as Hodgson’s accent” joke.  But wait, you say, what about the group stages or the actual Final?  Look, I’m not saying tricky groups are never drawn (see last year’s Real-Juve-Zenit group), but generally if you can’t get out of your group then you’ve got bigger problems than advancing in the CL (see Liverpool this season).  And with the Final, it’s simply a matter of all bets being off.  It’s one match in a neutral venue, the grand stage, anything can and will happen (see Man United-Bayern 1999 or Liverpool-Milan 2005).

But Inter definitely had a path suited to their strengths– organized, intelligent, efficient, and led by a Special manager.  CSKA Moscow were merely inferior, and Mourinho didn’t muck around.  The games were boring, predictable, and exactly as successful as he planned them to be.  1-0 Home, 1-0 Away, bingo bango.

But Chelsea.  Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea.  Every knew it was coming, right?  For as quickly as Abromivich’s revolving door swings at Stamford Bridge, the current Chelsea squad is still very much Jose Mourinho’s.  All that bull about his shadow over the club vanishing after winning the Premiership this year– I don’t believe it for a second, and neither should you.  This was the team he built and the team that was his to destroy.  Add to fact that Carlo Ancelotti habitually keeps Jose’s pocket warm and you knew the Portuguese would not be denied his revenge.

Still, Barcelona might be the most intriguing case.  Even now, I don’t think you can call Inter superior to Barca.  I could make excuses about injuries (and I do when I’m debating the greatness of Ibrahimovic), but despite them I still think Barca are stronger in all aspects.  And how many times do we see teams park the bus only to have Leo Messi run a train through it?  Why should Inter, in the CL Semifinals, succeed where so many others had failed?  The answer is so simple, I’ll let my man A.I. tell you.

Practice.  Although Inter may have been outfoxed by Barcelona in the group stages, they were able to take exactly what they needed.  Two times they’d seen what the Catalans were about, how they plied their trade.  Perhaps even more importantly, they lost their fear of Barca.  The 20-tuple aura was old to them, last year, tired, yawn-worthy.  Maybe even a little overrated?  Who knows, but I genuinely feel that Barcelona win the CL if Inter hadn’t faced them twice already.  (Note:  I know the “practice games” argument could be used for Chelsea, but A) c’mon, pre-season doesn’t count and B) I think the Jose against his old team factor dwarfs all else).

2. Do Bayern Win with Ribery? No way to tell.  He’s a great player, no doubt.  But if there’s one thing I can say about the “most important players to Bayern” list, it’s that Ribery wasn’t number one this season.  Arjen Robben, at times during both the Bundesliga and the CL, simply hoisted the Bavarian squad on his back.  The easy answer says to look at Bayern’s tie with Man United, and note how it was only a late, brilliant strike from Robben that even saw them advance.  But look closer at that match, and you’ll see two Ribery shots that barely missed the back of the net.  A few inches different, and maybe Ribery shares the top “importance” spot with Robben.  Besides, every team wants its best players in their biggest game.  And he certainly would’ve given Maicon a lot more to think about instead of bombing forward as the highlight reels can attest.

John Terry Fidelity Award recipient

But again, who knows?  Monsieur Ribery has found his name recently in the wrong sorts of tabloids, and you never know how those heavy issues carry over onto the pitch.  (NOTE: This France squad is going to be an absolute soap opera in South Africa.  Angry Muslim WAGS, inter-squad romance with a single prostitute, an incompetent superstitious manager ["Leo's don't make good defenders"], and the whole world believing the French cheated their way into the World Cup.  John Terry and Ashley Cole should send them a card.  Can’t wait).

3.  There’s Something about Samuel Eto’o.  Had he scored, he would’ve been the first player to net in three CL Finals.  As it stand, he’s still won all three he’s played in.  Even better, he’s easily one of the most compelling footballers I know.  Look at the last couple years of his life.

He survives the regime change at Barca, somehow outlasting Ronaldinho’s jack-o-lantern grin, and all those distracting rumors of being unwanted.  He then scores 36 goals as Barcelona do the 20-tuple, despite (apparently true) whispers how his own teammates can’t stand him.  Then Barca do the unthinkable by shipping off a crucial part of their juggernaut team to Inter for Ibra + 40 million Euros.  Now this is key, for two reasons.  First, Txiki Begiristain might have the largest set of cojones in football for this move.  Second, this 100%  guaranteed doubled Eto’o's intensity.

Think about it.  You score 36 goals, win everything, then your club tells you that not only do they not want you, but that there’s a striker worth €40m more than you.  Any competitive athlete would use this as extra motivation, right?  But this is Eto’o.  It’s more than motivation, it’s personal.

Back when he was on Real Madrid’s books, he got 3 appearances and 0 zero goals in 2 years.  Simply put, he never got a chance.  They sell the striker who wasn’t good enough for them to Mallorca, and he never scores fewer than double digit goals per season ever again.  And what’s his trademark?  Banging them in against Real.  When Barca win the first of their La Liga titles, he draws controversy by singing anti-Real songs into the microphone.  (See such hits a “Real, cabrones, Salute the Champions” and “Guti is a Gay”).

I truly believe Eto’o does not become the player he is if he hadn’t been so blatantly spurned by Madrid.  The same player that refuses to bring his family to matches because of racist abuse, feeds on turned backs.  The same striker that was labeled a bad teammate in Catalonia, selflessly worked up and down the wing , out of position, en route to a CL trophy for Inter.  Hell hath nor fury like a Samuel Eto’o scorned.

Maradona Hussein

4.  The Strange Case of Javier Zanetti and Esteban Cambiasso.  It’s criminal, absolutely criminal.  And no, I’m not talking about Maradona’s beard, which deserves its own website.  The fact that Cambiasso and Zanetti will be watching the World Cup from their televisions is unthinkable.  If anyone knows how two key players in a Champions League winning side can be omitted from their national squad, please email me.  Up until Maradon’as reign, Zanetti was the rightful captain of Argentina, and a consummate professional for both club and country.  El Diego took away his armband, his starting spot, and now a place in South Africa.  Cambiasso, scorer of the third best goal at WC2006 (1. Maxi Rodriguez against Mexico 2. Philip Lahm in the opener), suffered the same fate.

Argentina have possibly the easiest group with Nigeria, Greece, and South Korea.  Then they would play someone from the third easiest group of South Africa, Mexico, France, Uruguay.  (Italy, Paraguay, New Zealand, Slovakia has got to be number 2).  In a World Cup, that’s all you can ask for.  For the first time in as long as I can remember, the Argies actually have a favorable draw.  And with Messi + the players available, anything less than a deep run must be considered failure.  They’re basically in the quarterfinals before they can even digest their empanadas.

But Maradona goes and selects about 20 attackers and three defenders.  He leaves two of the most crucial elements of Inter’s treble-winning positional shape, JZ and EC, at home.  I’ll give Maradona one thing, he’s certainly put his stamp on this squad.  It’s his and nobody else’s.  And I sure hope he’s happy with aged 36 Martin “3 Penalty Misses in 1 Game” Palermo.  (No way he actually plays in SA, right?  RIGHT?!).  Diego has lost the plot so far that I almost want to put money on Argentina to win it all.  He’s just that crazy, and there’s something so provocative about him in the World Cup.  Can managers test positive for doping?

5.  World Cup Commercials.  Am I the only person massively underwhelmed by the World Cup commercials this year?  Is there anybody out there?  At halftime during the CL Final I probably saw Nike’s “Write the Future” three times.  Add that to the 30 texts I’ve received asking “how awesome is it,” and I think I’m ready to declare myself the only person unimpressed.  It’s okay, mildly entertaining, but kilometers from the greatness we’ve seen in World Cups past.

First of all, I liked it much better when it was called “Take it to the Next Level.”  It also features some players that will not being going to South Africa– but I’ll even let that slide.  What I want to know is where’s the drama, the ingenuity, and the “why didn’t I think of that” factor?  Remember classics like “Good vs Evil,” “Edgar Davids Stealing from Ninjas,” “Scorpion Cage,” and of course, “That Airport One.”  If you aren’t playing in bizarre venues and circumstances, we might as well just watch the actual matches.  Even those fake Ronaldinho and Jose + Ten ones put “Write the Future” to shame.

Then, there’s the FIFA on ESPN commercials.  It’s a shame I have to say this, because the country of South Africa has such an emotional and powerful history, but it’s bursting out of me.  The “Robben Island” spot (U2 in the background, political prisoners starting a league), seems like a knockoff of the 2006 commercials.  I mean, it basically is, down to the song.  Perhaps if we hadn’t witnessed this phenomenal spot 4 years ago, or this one, we would better appreciate “Robben Island.”

*****

When I watch those two 2006 commercials, I remember why I fell in love with the game, and why I die every four years only to be reborn again.

Some of my high school friends, whom I haven’t seen in awhile,  invited me to play in a pickup league.  It’s five minutes from my house, perfect pitch, and normally my idea of a great time.  But I had to decline, because the thought of missing a single game in South Africa is simply too painful.  It’s the World Cup, and no sporting event comes close to it.  18 more days.

1. Pizza Hut is giving away free pizzas in Ireland for every goal France concedes at the World Cup.

2. Also, there’s this:

Basically, 9 months of this…

Unless you look like this:

Eredivisie Champions 2009/2010!  Let’s take a quick glance at the mastermind behind Twente’s first Dutch League Title, shall we?