Here we go, we’re doing it live!  Late start for me– hit refresh to get the updates.

• Furious start to this one.  Five minutes in and Messi almost chips Casillas– beautiful!
• I haven’t even examined the lineups and there’s a goal!
• GOAL BARCELONA!  1-0 as Iniesta finds Xavi’s through run who clips it over Casillas.
• Both sides are trying to outplay each other.  I might need to keep a ‘meg count today.
• Barca teamsheet looks as expected.  Busquets getting the nod ahead of Mascherano.  Wonder if Javier’s wife might get upset about that…
• Mourinho has one surprise for Madrid.  Benzema starting up top instead of Higuain.  Sometimes I think Jose does stuff like that just for the extra attention.
• Di Maria and Messi looking the danger men for their sides.
• GOAL BARCELONA!  2-0 after the home side completes about 25 consecutive passes.  Unbelievable!  Pedro finishes into the open net after Villa’s cross finds him salivating.
• I was just about to say that Madrid looked on the ropes, now they really do.  The “Oles” ringing around the Nou Camp.
• Only 20 minutes in and this could get ugly if Real don’t respond soon.
• There’s a terrific Youtube clip called “Ray Hudson Needs New Undies” and I keep thinking of that title listening to him give commentary tonight.
• Casillas makes a great save on a Pedro 1v1.  The Spanish keeper would’ve slapped someone had that gone in.  He and Sergio Ramos look like step-sisters at the moment.
• I mentioned it in my Thanksgiving post, but I really miss Ronaldinho.  He would’ve been loving this game tonight…
• Watching a replay of the second goal:  you really only have a 50/50 chance of ever stopping David Villa.  He loves to cut inside on his right and his shot from there is pretty much automatic.  Or he’ll go with his left towards the byline and whip in a deadly cross as was the case here.  Which do you stop, his shot or a high percentage cross?  Ramos guessed wrong, and he’s not the only defender in La Liga who’s been there.
• Ronaldo freekick…
• …Inches wide off a phantom deflection.  Valdes was done like a Turducken.
• Tempers flaring.  Yellow cards flying.  Ronaldo and Pep Guardiola talking that mess.  I can’t keep up with this, and I might mention that I really need to use the restroom.  Too glued to this one to think.  Big gulps were a bad idea though.
• Messi is pulling out all the stops.  He’s basically Lord Humongous is a bowl cut right now.  Ronaldo must respond.
• Pepe beasts a streaking Messi off the ball close to goal.  Level of difficulty 10 out of 10.
• Did Carvalho just punch Messi in the face?  No, yellow for Lionel for diving.
• Halftime, 2-0 to Barcelona.  Annnnd breathe!
• If anyone wonders why Spain are the reigning European and World Cup Champions, I’d introduce this match as Exhibit A.  A real pleasure, watching this one.
• Surely we’ll see Higuain after the break?  Real seriously need him, and don’t call me Shirley!  (RIP Leslie Nielsen).
• Second half underway now…
• Ozil off, Lass Diarra on.  Best thing about Jose Mourinho = his sense of urgency in making substitutions?  Second best = his coat and scarf selection?
• The tempo is a bit more measured now.  But Barca are still looking to slot a runner through.  Real would be foolish to believe they have a sense of security.
• GOAL BARCELONA!  3-0 as Villa finishes his 1v1 after being sent through by Messi.  Just as you were.  Wonderful.
• On the bench, Jose looks about 10 years older now.
• GOAL BARCELONA!  4-0 as (yes, I’m repeating myself) Villa latches onto a Messi through ball and glides it through the legs of Casillas.
• Sub.  Arbeloa on for Marcelo.  Interesting note here.  In the 2007 CL tie between Liverpol and Barca, it was new signing Arbeloa that completely shut Messi out.  I mean, had him in his back pocket.  Jose is auditioning him for the same role, if onyl for their next meeting in Madrid.
• “Messi to Villa” is the new “Montana to Rice.”
• All Real can do is clear the ball.  25 more minutes of pain and embarrassment, boys.
• Carvalho has to handle the ball to prevent what would surely have been #5.  Villa was through.  This is a bloodbath.
• About 8 nutmegs and 22 backheels have been witnessed.  I poop you not.
• Villa off, Bojan on.  Rest for El Guaje.  Immediately Bojan has a 1v1 but stumbles at the moment of shooting.
• Some great camerawork really captures the immense sense of failure in the Madrid players’ faces.
• Xavi off, Keita on.
• Pedro off, Jeffren on.  Messi will get 5 more minutes to grab his first goal against a Mourinho side.
• GOAL BARCELONA!  5-0 now as Jeffren finishes a slow roller from Bojan on the right wing.  Too easy.
• I can’t believe he have to wait until April for the return leg of El Clasico…
• FIGHT MUSIC!  Ramos sent off for a Materazzi tackle on Messi.  There’s blood and dirt on Khedira, whose jersey looks like Rainbow Sherbet.  Someone else in the book– can’t see who.
• Fulltime!  5-0 Barcelona.

Wow.  Rarely is a one-sided affair so entertaining all the way until the end, but that’s what we got tonight.  To call this anything less than one of the greatest masterpieces by a football team would be an injustice to Barcelona.  They defended in numbers, remained immaculate in possession, and proved clinical in their attacking runs and finishing.  Do yourself a favor and re-watch this sometime soon, eh?  Now if you’ll excuse me, Ray Hudson and I have to go shopping for some new Fruit of the Looms.

Ah yes, that time of the year again.  The one where we as Americans commemorate our Mortal Kombat-like slaughter over the merciless Indians.  They tried to Trojan Horse us with “gifts” of maize and fowl, but we were keen to their savagery.  And so today, children, we fondly recall our glorious victory and remember all the things in our life for which we our grateful.  (Trust me, I majored in history).

Here are all the things I’m thankful for…

…I’m thankful first and foremost for the boy Leo Messi.  In the calendar year of 2010 (so far) he has scored something like 55+ goals for Barcelona.  Can you comprehend that number?  I can’t.  There have been players with more style and inventiveness, but I don’t think the world has ever seen someone as deadly at single-handedly tallying goals.  Don’t take Lionel for granted.

…I’m thankful for the feel good story of last week, in case you missed it.

…I’m thankful for Sunday night marking an important milestone in my life.  It was the first time someone else (a non-footy, as we say in the business) had to tell me about a soccer game  I didn’t even care to watch.  But big ups, Colorado Rapids.

…I’m thankful for John Henry, seriously.  So far he seems the anti-Hicks, and Linda Pizzuti usurped the Owner Arm Candy title easily from George Gillet.  I suppose in her own way she’s the anti-Jamie McCourt, but that’s neither here nor there.

…I’m thankful fora solid World Cup last June.  It wasn’t as flashy as previous editions, but it had its moments and kept me from getting anywhere close to enough sleep.  I can only imagine what it will be like actually going to 2014 in Brazil.

..John Terry is thankful for Tony Parker.  Tiger Woods is thankful for Tony Parker.  Tony Parker is thankful for Kate Middleton.  For real.

…I’m thankful for Zlatan Ibrahimovic.  In case you hadn’t noticed, let me introduce you to a Gudjohnsen Stat.*  Calciopoli asterisks aside, Ibrahimovic hasn’t not won the league since 2003.  He won the 2004 Eredivise with Ajax, the next two Serie A seasons with Juventus, the following three Serie A seasons with Inter, then La Liga with Barcelona.  That’s simply incredible.  Also, he can “do with an orange what John Carew does with a football.”  His words.  Call Ibra a big time Charlie, then take a good look in the mirror and call yourself one.  Zlatan’s Milan side are in first place in Serie A now.

…I’m thankful you were patient enough to let me explain what a Gudjohnsen Stat is.  Basically, it’s one of those truly amazing tidbits that somehow most people never really know.  So named for Eidur Gudjohnsen and his father Arnor (great Lord of the Rings name), who “played” in the same professional match.  Eidur actually replaced his dad as a substitute for Iceland in a match against Estonia in 1996.  Crazy.  My dad is in his sixties and I still can’t measure up to his golf game.

…I’m thankful for the Bundesliga being pretty open this year.  Borussia Dortmund and Mainz, we’ve got your back… Whoever you are…

Taking your clothes off is the new high five celebration?

…I’m thankful for Antiono Cassano being Cassano.  In a time when Serie A is being dominated by foreigners and remains relatively scandal-free, Cassano reinvents the Italian anima for the dramatic, sublime, tragic, and ridiculous.  I’m still waiting for him to walk from Madrid to Rome, because frankly, I wouldn’t put anything past the pastry eater.

…I’m thankful for Cristiano Ronaldo’s ego being so ridiculously massive.  The Messi v Ronaldo debate may have been won ages ago by the little Argie, but don’t tell Ronaldo.  He takes praise of Messi so personally that he’s trying to wedge his way back into the conversation with some outrageous performances for Real.  It’s making for terrific watching in La Liga.  The Real Housewives of Spain type stuff.  Don’t watch El Clasico this Monday if you hate awesome times.  And definitely don’t follow me live-blogging it if you hate cleverness.

…I’m thankful for the indecisiveness of Carlos Tevez, the frustration of Adam Johnson, the affinity for violence of Nigel de Jong, and the madness of Mario Balotelli.  Someone handed Roberto Mancini a Fisher-Price chemistry set, but replaced the vinegar and baking soda with plutonium and napalm.  Most volatile team in England, hands down.

…I’m thankful for Harry Redknapp speaking his mind.  I still think you’re an absolute plum, but your honesty is entertaining.

…I’m thankful for Panathinaikos giving me a team to support in the Greek Super League.  Djibril Cisse, Luis Garcia, Damien Plessis, and Sebastian Leto: all former Reds.

…I’m thankful for Marco Borriello and Fabio Quagliarella, both quietly having terrific seasons.  I can’t stand to see my friend Fabio so bleak about the future of his Azzurri.

*****

Also want to give an extra special THANKS A LOT to…

…Thanks a lot, Dimitar Berbatov, for deciding to play superbly again when Rooney struggles.

…Thanks a lot, Roy Hodgson’s away record, for being so awesome.  I know blind squirrels are supposed to find nuts every now and again, but what about squirrels with speech impediments?

…Thanks a lot, Christian Poulsen.  Stay classy.

…Thanks a lot, Sepp Blatter, for adding greed to a growing list of negative attributes of yours, right next to sexism and incompetence.  STOP PIMPING OUT WORLD CUPS!

…Thanks a lot to the Spanish FA, for constantly rushing Fernando Torres into matches and ruining his fitness/form.  Explosive players have a shorter shelf life on their prime than most players, and you’re limiting it even further.

…Thanks a lot, Chelsea, for looking so poor after losing to Liverpool.  Not only are you handing #19 to Man United, but you’re really diminishing our win of the season.

…Thanks a lot, Ronaldinho.  Watching you on the bench at Milan makes me so angry.  Like rabid Gattuso angry.  For 2.5 years you were simply unbelievable, now you’re nothing.  I hope you’re having a fun time partying it up, because you’ve wasted the most natural talent I’ve ever seen.

… Thanks a lot, France, for beating England.  Actually, no sarcasm there.  No matter how depleted and comical your national side has become, beating England is always good for football.  Never know what’ll happen in this game, and god help me, I love it so.  Thanks.

Well, someone want to explain this one to me?  The internet has been abuzz with theories behind this sign seen at the Liverpool-Chelsea match on Sunday.  I still got nothing.

And what is it about the fans behind the Chelsea substitutes — first we had Tron brushing his teeth against Man United, now this?

Oh yeah, this was also witnessed at Anfield:

Almost a Memory

Simon Kuper of the Financial Times wrote an interesting piece on the Wayne Rooney saga last weekend.  In case your mouse isn’t the kind that clicks links, I’ve transcribed the article after the jump.  (There’s also a little bonus treat at the end for being so well behaved through 30 paragraphs).

What do you think of Rooney?  Spoiled athlete, troubled genius, egotistical competitor, victim of his own success, or something else?

Read the rest of this entry »